A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts,
"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below said, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of absolutely no use to anyone."
The man below said, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

Bloke goes in shop and asks for Irish Sausages " .
The Assistant looked at him and asked " Are you Irish? "
" If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican?
Would ya, ay? Would Ya? "
The assistant says, " Well no "
And if I asked you for some Bourbon Whiskey, would you ask me if I was American?
What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish? "
Well, I probably wouldn't, "
With self-indignation, the man says, " Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish Sausages? "
The Assistant replies, " Because you're at Homebase. "

Extensive First Aid

The firemen finally get a huge fire under control.
Chief Fire Officer Matthews has all of his men accounted for except Olson and Rosolino.
After a few minutes' search, the chief looks down an alley, and there's Rosolino, leaning over a trash can.
His pants are down to his ankles, and Olson is banging away from behind.
Chief Mattews says, "What the hell is going on?"
Olson says, "Rosolino passed out from smoke inhalation."
The chief says, "Smoke inhalation? You're supposed to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!"
Olson says, "I did, Chief and one thing led to another."

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